<h1 style="text-align: center;"><strong>When She Says No: A Lesson in Boundaries and Respect</strong></h1>
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<p>The worst news I’ve read all week, without a doubt. The other day, I was sitting on the train with an idle mind that brought me back to a memory in high school. My girlfriend at the time and I had a science class together. I hated science and I hated my teacher, which as we all know is a recipe for low test scores and sad excuses for why my homework was never done or turned in on time. My girlfriend, on the other hand, loved the subject and did well in the class. Naturally, I would ask her for help to prepare for tests and she would do her best. I appreciated her efforts, but the night before one of our big tests, I grew tired of these endless hours of studying and asked her if for me she would take the ultimate risk. Since we sat next to each other in class, would she help me out by letting me copy some of her answers. I was smart enough to not copy every single one, and I wasn’t trying to get an A. I just needed a C on the test to average my overall grade out, and at the rate we were going, I retained enough information to get me a D at best.</p>
<h2><strong>Learning the Value of Respect and Boundaries</strong></h2>
<p>Without even taking the time to look up from her study guide she flat out told me, “No.” I didn’t fight back or ask her why. We just continued to study and study hard. The next day we took the test. One week later the results came back. I ended up with a C+. My girlfriend was happy for me and said, “See, I told you you didn’t need to copy.” She was right, I didn’t need her to copy, I also didn’t need her high-mindedness and holier-than-thou attitude polluting her ability to be a woman who rides out for her man by any means necessary, so in my head, I gave her an F in reliability, which weighted against the rest of her virtues and resulted in her being single again. For more on building respect in relationships, check out <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/03/30/take-this-one-step-to-begin-effective-communication-with-your-spouse/"><strong>effective communication with your spouse</strong></a>.</p>
<h2><strong>The Social Experiment: Women’s Responses</strong></h2>
<p>This all happened over 12 years ago, and I decided to pose the question to women who follow me on Twitter and are friends with me on Facebook when I got off the train. The question was really simple. It goes as follows: Go back to high school, you and your man have the same class, he wants to copy your test. Do you let him? Yes or no? Simple question, don’t answer with follow-up questions, just answer it. Yes or no On Facebook, over 41 women responded, nearly half of which flat out said “No”. On Twitter, I counted up over 30 responses, and 90 percent of them said they would never do such a thing. This was sobering news to say the least and I thought it would be best if I shared this with everyone else, largely because I’m interested in hearing more feedback from people in response to my findings. Would you or wouldn’t you let your man copy answers off your test? For perspectives on trust and boundaries, read <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2020/03/16/are-mistrust-triggers-killing-your-marriage/"><strong>are mistrust triggers killing your marriage?</strong></a>.</p>
<h2><strong>Interpreting the Reactions</strong></h2>
<p>Keep in mind, I was actually a good student in other areas. Some women who responded said if their man had to copy it proves he isn’t as smart as them, which proved to me, those women aren’t as smart as they think. We all have strengths and weaknesses, mine was science, for others, it’s another subject. Others wanted to say they wouldn’t let their man cheat but they would help their man prepare, a worthy compromise but not one that demonstrates a winning attitude towards tough times. It’s the easy way out, and frankly, if a woman offered to help me out and I still didn’t do well on the test but she did well, we’d have serious trust issues. What I was looking for was a visceral response to gauge women’s attitudes towards such a situation, what I got was a general and hearty “We’re not going to risk our necks to help out our prom date.” In the end, the findings were disappointing to say the least. Women kill me with their selective <a href="https://blog.loveawake.com/2022/10/17/mean-girls-mean-women/"><strong>moments of virtuous behavior</strong></a>. To wit: In a somewhat related unscientific study 100 percent of females will let their man buy two child-priced tickets to the movie, an act far more criminal than letting him copy some answers on a test, but is more beneficial to the woman in the long run largely because it saves him money that could later be spent on her.</p>
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